In The Highways | Sarah, Hannah and Leah Pearce Normal American Kids | Wilco – Shmilco Reighning Sound | Never Coming Home Wagons | Hold On Caroline | Acid Rain And Sugar Cane The L& N Don’t Stop Anymore | Jean Henry The Midnight Special | Billy Bragg and Joe Henry (Lead Belly) Railroad Bill | Billy Brag and Joe Henry | Traditional (Riley Puckett) Woody Guthrie | This Land Is You Line CW Stoneking | The Jungle Swing Dr John | Right Place, Wrong Time Lucinda Williams | Born To Love | Blessed Gemma and The Clifton Hillbillies | Aprils Fool Emily Ulman | Wear It Well Janis Joplin | Left Lonely Terry | In The Bin Oh Mercy | Keith Street Jordie Lane | I could Die Looking At You Sink Ships | How It Feels Bob Dylan | Don’t Think Twice
Live To Air
Fraser A Gorman | Why Can't Your Love Live Inside Me
Fraser A Gorman | New England'
The Alman Brothers Band | Born A Ramblin Man The Steeldrivers | Heaven Scent Marlon Williams | Hello Miss Lonesome
A huge thanks to Fraser for coming into sing some tunes. What a legend.
I made it out of the loony bin! It was totally legit- I just had to play the system and take all the drugs I'm anti- so rock and roll and ironic.
To celebrate I got to go and spin records and do a radio show at the greatest radio station on earth 106.7PBS.fm. I can't even describe how happy I am to be free again. I'll try not to complain about anything ever again.
So I filled in for Erica on Mixing Up The Medicine. If you didn't tune in, you can still treat yourself as we have the archives free to listen to: Audio Radio Mixing Up The Medicine Fill
Playlist 13/9/16
Smile- Ruby
Ooga Boogas- Circle Of Trust
Oblivians- Blew My Cool
Pixies- Where is My Mind
Angry Angels- Black Hole
Eddie Current Suppression Ring- Noise In My Head
Sonic Youth- Disappearer- Goo
Merchandice- Fugzi
Wilco- Cry All Day- Schmilco
Supersuckers-
Don't Lie To Me- Big Star
Steve Earle- Feel Alright
Shaun Mchonon- The Devil Can't See
Rodreigoz- Sugar Man
Detroit Cobras- Cry On
Brant Bjork- Stackt
CherryWood- Could Wash No Devil From My Bones- Book Of Matches
Drive By Truckers- Ronnie and Neil- Southern Rock Opera
The Kill Devil Hills- Rosalie- Man You Should Explode
Liam Linley Interview and Live Tracks
Liam Linley- Soaking Cherries
Liam Linley -Used To You
Patti Smith- April Fool
Jeff Buckly- Just Like A Woman- You And I
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds- Jesus Alone- Skeleton Tree
PJ Harvey- The Words That Maketh Murder
Tom Waits- Clap Hands
The Drones- Long Gone Whistle
Ray Charles- Hit The Road Jack
Ruby Soho at PBS.fm rocking studio 3.
A huge thanks to the very handsome Liam Linley for coming into sing a few tracks from the new album he is creating. It is sounding dope!
Today should be my last day in this horrible place (St Vinnies, Mental Health Unit, Fitzroy). It's been a long and exhausting two weeks and I really hope that no one needs to go through this particular ordeal again.
I've only been here an hour today- waiting for a part time, young, male psychiatrist to decide if I need to stay in here or not. The guy is a complete idiot and has not listened to one word I have said since admitting me two weeks back. More of my stuff has been stolen from my bedroom, someone has sprayed feces and vomit in my bathroom.
I have a very holistic approach to my mental illness and I have been managing it on my own for so long, everyones sudden interest in my mental health has been crippling and counter productive to me being admitted.
Since being admitted I have become terrified of just about everyone, my sister tried to touch me yesterday and I freaked out. I've been telling all my friends and family about the treatment I need and they have made up in there heads that they know better.
No one knows yourself better than you do and if you have someone in your family or friendship group suffering from mental illness, I suggest you just ask them what they need, not leave it up to a shitty underfunded mental health system to sort out.
I may be out today but my fight with the system has just begun.
Fuck the Man and his greedy dollars.
Here is a quote from one of my favourite dudes that has kept me sane through this insane stay.
Much Love,
Ruby Soho
There are so many hammocks to catch
you if you fall, so many laws to keep you from experience. All these cities I
have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling
state in which most people pass through life. I don’t want to pass through life
like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally
die. I don’t want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up
a blithering idiot cursing the sun – hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene
and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and
say, “Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case.” I will turn and say to
them “It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn’t even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your
self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at
all times!” And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.
It's been twelve days now since I was admitted to St Vincents Mental Ward and I'd be lying if I hadn't said it's been really tough and possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
This morning one of my beautiful in patient friends tried to take her life with a plastic spoon after one of the other inpatients stole her piano books. The scars were so horrendous I cried for her. I feel so helpless in here. I went and found her books on the second floor because of course I knew who took them, the legend who thinks he is god and thinks he owns all the books.
Yesterday a rape and abuse victim was put in a room with one of my other female inpatients. She was so far gone in a psychosis she also believed she owned all the things. She stole a huge amount of stuff from my room and my mates room. The two male nurses were helpless because she wouldn't listen to them.. I tried to calm her down with a cigarette and try and get some stuff back, but because the courtyard is closed there is nowhere to smoke and I had to do it in the stairwell. This nurse who hates my guts got me into heaps of trouble, there is no point saying anything back if you do they just feel you sleeping meds. Everyone just wants to smoke a durry but they can't because the courtyards shut off for three weeks. They are not giving us much options. I keep trying to do the right thing but I feel like I am continually getting punished. I've started chain smoking (never smoked a ciggie before) because it is the only thing that brings me back to reality, that and music.
I'm not sure of what is real or fiction anymore. Three months ago I could have written some fairy tale ending with a boy I loved, playing in a band I loved. My band was going great, my business was going swell and now it's all gone. I'm locked up in a loony bin with legends that are way more loony than me, some in the best way. I kept getting attacked today by some poor girl with split personality disorder. She is so beautiful she looks like Uma Thurman, I would hate to think what horrible things happened to her to make her that way.
Photo: LOOBS 2015. Ruby Koomen, James Frahm and Alex Pink.
The boy that I truly loved for the last three years, who I thought was my best friend had a gorgeous new girlfriend within months of our relationship ending. I get it love hurts, I'm happy that he's happy, but it is very hard to loose your best mate and lover all in a flash.
I did punch him in the head for not being open about it... He just brought her to a gig without a mention of it a few weeks back, I cried on stage, finished the set and packed up shop and joined a chick band called Bitch Diesel.
This is a guy I started a home with, who talked about having my children.
I punched him in the head after he told me to 'fuck off' on our last show on my birthday which I probably shouldn't have done... but I guess this punk rock princess has to stand up for herself somehow. I did buy him a Fugazi record, so to me it was warranted, plus I'm weak as so it can't have hurt to much.
I'm still so confused as to how I came to being in this hospital. I know the trigger of my mania is usually death. I start seeing really weird things, like angels... I lost a mate of mine Nick earlier this year. We met in Holland when I was studying on exchange five years ago. Him and his gorgeous partner Verity. They had just got a house together and were about to get married when he was tragically taken in a cycling accident in Sydney. How unforgiving the universe is with love. I've suffered a tragic loss, but I know with time I will be able to speak to my ex again. My heart continues to bleed for gorgeous Verity.
Photo: Nicholas Ruyrock, Ruby Koomen & Verity Zoerner
Loss and trauma comes up in so many forms, 1 year to the day I brought my van for my business. A 2008 Holden Combo. I was so proud of that car. It was the first car I had ever owned on my own without the help of my parents. $8000- my whole savings from last year I pumped into that car. Only to find out that I got a lemon.... Such a drag... engine exploded.... I'm sure someone ripped me off but I ended up with $250 for it. Carless, boyfriendless.... lol... time to right some tunes... and when you've got nothing you've got nothing to loose.
I'm sorry to anyone that I worried during this period of mania, I'll try to stop punching boys in the head, and I won't burn off at 5am in the morning anymore.
I always try to be the best person I can be, but sometimes it is hard when life just keeps coming up lemons. I am so thankful for my beautiful family, my wonderful friends and my rock and roll family who have come to visit me in the last two weeks, while I come back to common ground. Sometimes I like getting stuck in the sky with the angels and devils, especially when it gets to tough here on earth.
I watched Nick Cave's film today it is so bone chillingly beautiful it made my nose bleed. What an amazing family, I truly admire anyone for putting out something so real.
I think I am alive today. I think I am breathing. I'm going to keep trying to love everyone because that's all I know how to do. But I don't know why that bitch in the white BMW had to be such a mole today or why that nurse Daisy hates me so much.
I get to sleep in my own bed tonight. I am thankful for that. I haven't had a decent night sleep in weeks, because the nurses need to check on you every hour to see you haven't committed suicide. To my mates that were worried about me talking about suicide recently, I would never do it because I could never inflict that pain on my family, but I do think that those go ahead with it are brave. It takes the deepest depression to be there, a depression I have found in this solidary confinement.
So here is a poem for today, by my favourite bloke Joe Strummer. xoxox
I always open my solo set with it, in hope that one day they world might come good.
Fuck The Man and all his greed, I can't wait to get out and record this. RIP JOE JOE. xox
This one is for my new mate Will who I met here in St Vinnies.
I wrote the song twelve years ago when I was his ageand my first thoughts of suicide came stumbling into my brain after society started bullshit pressures on me to act and be a certain way.
I was 17 when I wrote the song just after some boys from school hacked into my computer and found a half naked picture of me, I had been using for a exercise/diet before and after picture. The boys then sent this image out to the peers in my year level, who made remarks like "she's got weird nipples" and "eywww gross". I went onto call the cops to help and they did nothing. I was to ashamed to tell my parents, so I used my guitar to heal my heart.
I've finished the song here from St Vincents Mental Health Unit today because I feel just as bad today..... after 1 week of illegal detention with no proper explanation, no where to go outside, no access to run (I've been able to train for my marathon), I have lost atleast $1500 in wages and it has severely crippled my new Record/Flower delivery business and worst off I haven't been able to play guitar, which is my onlt source of meditation.
Me and my new mates (we call ourselves the inmates) are treated horribly. Like cattle on the way to slaughter- just drugging us up if we ask for anything. The other night I asked for my toast heated up and the nurse made me take a sleeping pill because I offended her when she said the government wouldn't allow it, and I pointed out the toaster in the locked kitchen.
This song is also too all the brothers and sisters society has lost to suicide.
I love you all and miss you tremendously.
I am hoping to bust out of this shit hole today and then record the solo album I've been meaning to record sice I first picked up my meditation stick (my guitar) when I was 13.
Suicidal Tendencies: By Ruby Soho (2004)
Re edited from the Loony Bin (2016)
Suical Tendencies are going through my head Suicidal Tendencies and I am wishing I was dead
What the hell does one use when they are trying to kill one?
Should I use a knife or should I use a gun
Suicidal Tendencies are going through my head
Suicidal Tendencies and I am wishing I was dead
And leave my scattered corpse on pieces on the floor,
Maybe I should just jump of the twentieth floor
And clean up my scattered corpse in a rage they won't forget
So some poor soul can come clean up my mistake
Suicidal Tendencies are going through my head
Suicidal Tendencies are going through my head
Suicidal Tendencies and I am wishing I was dead
And jump from my favorite tree and let my family deal with it
Or maybe I should just use this nuese and tie it around my neck
And forever his life can be filled with shitty fucking dreams
Then my baby brother can be the first to walk to the scene
Suicidal Tendencies were going through your head
Suicidal tendencies and now you are dead
I know the pain your feeling brother and sister
But please don't choose suicide today
It will hurt the ones you care the most and
Because tomorrow will be a different and beautiful day
Suicidal tendencies are going through our heads
Suicidal tendencies but today we pick life not death.
I've been overwhelmed with all the love and support over the last few weeks since opening up about my mental illness.
I've had Bipolar disorder (Manic depression) my whole life. I was diagnosed when I was 20 and it is a hereditary condition I picked up from my mums side of the family.
I've made it pretty public that I'm locked up in the loony bin because I want to bring awareness to the issue of mental health. It is a hugely underfunded sector and my treatment over the last week indicates a lot of education and money needs to be spent on it to make it better.
I love my bipolar diagnosis: most of my favourite artists had the disease (Hendrix, Joplin, Cobain.... The list goes on). It's why I shred on the guitar and adore art.
A lot of people have been trying to give me advice on how to cope and handle my illness. I'm 29 years old, I'm an educated grown woman and I've lived with this my whole life. No one knows how to cure my own mental health better than I do.
Thanks for your concern and advice. If you are worried about my well being, please watch this documentary by Steven Fry- it will give you a new perspective on Bipolar Disorder and maybe make you understand how to help someone in a manic state.
The answer is not to put them in a prison. Day 6 of detention is hell. I've taken up smoking and they won't even let us into the sunshine on this glorious day. 😖🔫
Someone please get me outta here!!!!?!??
There are 2 parts to this amazing documentary. Grab some popcorn and a choc top and treat yo self! (:
Monday, September 5, 2016
Dear Media, Friends, Family, I am a flower farmer, florist, secondary teacher and musician and run a small record/ flower delivery service in Melbourne (Rock and Roll Mecca of the World). I am currently illegally (to my belief) locked up in one of Australia’s mental health facilities- St Vincents Mental Care Unit, in Fitzroy. I am contacting you today to seek help as I am in some serious mental distress as a result of this unit and so are my fellow patients at St Vincents mental health ward. I was locked up in your mental facility last Wednesday as my parents thought I was acting manic after my 29th birthday party. I was acting out in what was my Saturn returns. For more information: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-kaiser/saturn-returns_b_4275974.html I did punch my ex boyfriend in the head and push a couple of other boys around but to be fair they deserved it as they were being rude to me. I was arrested (handcuffs and all) from my home in North Carlton where I was having a peaceful bath. The only explanation I got was that I had told my parents that I didn't want to go back to the farm with them. We grow amazing locally grown roses (-: http://www.bloominkoomen.com/about.html I have been illegally detained in the mental health unit (according to several articles in the declaration of human rights). http://www.un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights/ I am getting pumped full of drugs (that I don’t usually take as I have a no drug policy as I have lost friends under similar circumstance). The staffs have been good and bad but it has been a pretty traumatic experience for someone who is recovering from abuse from my past. Someone in my manic state made me sign a Mental Contract when I was in a manic state. I become manic when I can’t sleep properly this am usually after a great trauma- this time being the break up- broken hearts are the worst). The worst thing is they won’t let me sleep. They walk in every hour to check if I’m sleeping (I’m on suicide watch, which is ridiculous because I would never do that) its sleep torture. Us mental inmates today had our only joy of the day taken away from us. Our outdoor courtyard that is going to be closed for the next three weeks for renovations $60,000 of government funded money. There is nowhere for us to go, the staff haven’t told us where we can go. I have been in since last Wednesday (nearly a week) and there has been no one has told me what is going on, there has been no counselling (as a trauma patient I should have counselling at least once a day in a lock up facility like this). I have asked to go for a swim, run, play my guitar but it’s all NO NO NO! My psychiatrist hasn't been to see me since the day I entered (I have my own by the way/ and psychologist but no one bothered to ask or discuss it with them). My psychologist is based in Fitzroy that I see once a month and if I could afford my psychiatrist ($310 an hour) I would go see her more. But she is based in Doncaster. These women are both wonderful, wise and older than me so admire them as mentors as well as professionals. The St Vinnies facility is good enough and I am blessed enough to have my own bed, but why waste this good government bed on me when I have a perfectly good bed at home in Carlton North, where I would like to be healing my heart properly. Since being in here I have not been able to play my guitar, even though I have requested the nurses every day at least five or six times if I could play it. My guitar has been my only saviour since I was a teenager, when I started to loose a lot of friends in car accidents and suicide. My guitar and my belief in god are my saviour. I requested a bible, rosemary beads and a Chaplan or to be taken to church on Sunday, this request was also denied. I also had plans all week that I was not able to do. I have already missed one week of business at Ruby Soho Flowers, this is funded by the government under the NEIS program, so I find it pretty ironic that I am in here today. http://www.rubysohoflowers.com.au/ I have missed two shows already with my new band BITCH DEISEL, including a festival called Winters End Festival down in Woodend which I am absolutely devastated about. This is a decent facility don’t get me wrong. It has certainly been nice to get away from my friends and family who I have counselled through endless issues over the years. And it’s been nice to finally deal with some serious trauma issues that I have never had time to deal with. Such as death, physical and mental abuse, substance and drug abuse. However this facility is so caught up in bureaucracy that the nurses and staff don’t have time to care for the patients. It’s extremely frustrating for me to see. As a result I have decided to do my PhD on The Better Care of Inpatients in Psych Wards and Prisons. The courtyard will be closed for three weeks so the inmates have nowhere to exercise or sit in the garden and meditate. They are talking about giving us accompanied visits by the nurses, who are already too busy to pay proper attention to us anyway. We are bound by legal contracts so we are not allowed to swim, run, go for a walk or heal. It breaks my heart seeing my fellow inmates go through the same pain as me. I’ve discussed it with the inmates we would like to do the garden together. Make it a perfect mess just like our lives. All we really want is to have a dart, a cuppa, a chat, a hug, do some exercise and discuss our stories with anyone that will listen. All we really want is some love. Can someone help a sister out? Please. Much love to all, especially my other brothers and sister locked up in detention centres and prisons all over the world. I feel your frustration. It just isn’t right, Warm Regards, Ruby Soho (Ruby Martha Koomen) Inpatient -From In St Vincent’s, Mental Ward, Fitzroy.
